Staying Happily Married While Paying Off Debt

My husband and I have very different orientations when it comes to spending money. While I couldn’t exactly characterize myself as a saver, I dislike spending money. I don’t get that jolt of pleasure that many people feel when they fork over the credit card and make a purchase; in fact, it makes me cringe. I often needlessly delay purchases because of this. I might be in the store picking up certain specified items, like toothpaste and dish detergent, and will walk by the eye care aisle and think to myself, you are going to need contact lens solution soon. But, more often than not, I’ll walk right by and decide to wait to get that item (sometimes getting myself into dire need of that item). My husband, on the other hand, doesn’t shop very often, but if he goes into Target, he will inevitably come out having spent hundreds of dollars. He does this by buying items in bulk, stocking up when there is a sale, and spending money on items that might be nice to have but are not really necessities (e.g. a knife sharpener is a recent example). Needless to say, I make it a point to do all the family shopping.

When we are going to spend money, we also differ in our approach. Say I want to buy a pair of black pants. I will go into a store and as soon as I find a pair that meet a certain set of criteria (e.g. look decent, work appropriate, reasonably priced), I buy them, and I’m done. Husband, though, will do extensive research, visit multiple stores, try on numerous pairs, etc. Once, when I got home from the store having bought a desperately needed vacuum for the house, I saw his face go pale as he realized I hadn’t even checked the customer reviews.  

So it probably comes as no surprise that our perspectives on debt and what to do with our money are not always in sync. Husband, though he is on board with the plan to pay off debt, is not as gung-ho as I am. He’s a believer that you’ve got to live your life, regardless of the money situation. This contrasts with my own style, which tends towards obsession-like focus, even to my detriment. So I think we’re nicely balancing each other out in this regard- we’re together on this path, but he keeps me from going off the deep end with the goals.

Still, there are some areas where we have disagreed. The big one is with our cars. Several years ago, he convinced me that we needed two brand new, moderately priced cars. I was really against this plan, but somehow acquiesced. Although it’s been pretty sweet to not have the constant worry about breaking down (I used to drive some real clunkers), I totally regret this financial decision. We have spent a LOT of money per month over the years on those cars that could have really put a dent in our debt. Now, since we moved quite close to our jobs and really don’t do a ton of driving, I’d really love to sell off one of these cars, and get an old, cheap car that we would use to just do daily driving about town. Husband totally and adamantly disagrees.

At the end of the day, when it comes to decisions like this, I’m relenting. Now before I give up, I’ll draw up spreadsheets and graphs, and basically try to kill him with my keen financial logic about how we’d be making one of the best decisions of our lives. That often works! But if he doesn’t agree, even if his decision is more heart than head, I feel like it wouldn’t be right to push it. After all, at my behest, he has made a huge number of changes over the past six months or so, largely without complaint. Although sometimes I wish we were one of those couples that are totally debt-payoff in-sync, with complete laser focus, I am trying to recognize that I’m the one who has changed mindsets, and he’s been receptive and supportive. So, even when it hurts, I’m working on compromising (it’s a work in progress).

How do you and your significant other deal with financial or goal disagreements? What’s your money style?